As we’ve seen on Love Island, having a summer fling can be a wonderful thing. But what if you don’t speak the same language as your partner? And what if it develops into a longer lasting relationship? How will you communicate? Jo Hemmings, Behavioural & Media Psychologist and Duolingo’s summer romance relationship coach, shares her top tips about how summer romance can be sustained by learning each other’s language this summer.
Five Top Tips on Having a Successful Summer Romance
With technology granting us more ways than ever to keep romance sizzling long after summer has ended, the possibility of an ‘enduring summer romance’ feels in reach. It is important to have the conversation about what each other’s expectations are once the holiday is over. And there is no better way to have that, sometimes awkward, convo than by knowing enough of your partner’s language to communicate with comfort and confidence.
Avoid the awkwardness by learning the lingo first
Apart from the fact that most dates love it if you try and speak their native tongue – it doesn’t have to be fluent, it’s giving it a go that counts, it can avoid a whole level of awkwardness in terms of finding out about each other, if you can manage to converse in the same language. There’s no need to pour over dull and irrelevant phrasebooks anymore – interactive language learning platforms like Duolingo make learning another language feel like fun rather than hard work.
Know what you want
If you’re going on holiday with a view to having a fling and will be happy, come what may, to forget your partner the moment your plane leaves the tarmac, then that’s OK. But if you’re emotionally open or vulnerable and are clear that you want more or are quietly harbouring a desire to have a relationship that is more meaningful, own those thoughts. Compromising your actual wants with a holiday fling, is likely to leave you feeling very miserable.
Be open about establishing boundaries
So you meet someone you really like, but you are on holiday with friends. Don’t be backwards in coming forward about how much time you are willing to spend with this new person. If you have made arrangements with friends, be mindful not to let them down, but also don’t be drawn into a situation where you can’t spend any time with your new date. Be timely in finding the right balance and try to stick with it so that you’re having an exciting time with your new hot date without totally disrupting your original holiday plans.
Deal with those feelings as quickly as possible
It may have started as a bit of fun, but suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, the butterflies start. Your tummy somersaults at the thought of seeing them and the arousal you feel when they are looking at you is off the scale. In normal life, you might be cautious in expressing your feelings too soon but remember that holiday romances are seriously fast-tracked. You may have days, weeks or months to have with this person, but it’s important to express your feelings in some way, just to check you’re both on the same page.
Be empathetic
It could be that while you just want a fling, your date might want something more long-lasting. Or that you are future-goal oriented, but your partner shows no sign of wanting anything more than a bit of casual fun. Keep on top of how your partner feels and if you feel they that are looking for something more than you, male sure that you tell them, as kindly but as firmly as possible, that you don’t feel the same way. Alternatively, if they seem to only want something casual and you’re looking for more, the kindest thing you can do for your own self-care, however difficult it might be.
